9:00: Here we go! Bob Schieffer: audience promises to shut up; I promise to make the candidates do the same.
Candidates attempt to look like they don't want to eat each others' children.
9:01:
Bob: ECONOMY. Why are you better? McCain: Nancy Reagan! Y'all are
mad! Y'all want change! So do I! My face is bulging even more than
usual!
Obama: pretends to look interested.
9:04: Obama: CEOs
are evil. The rescue package (sorry for supporting that btw) doesn't
help the middle class. We should make jobs here! Help families!
McCain: looks like he really needs to pee.
9:07:
McCain: NEWSFLASH: OBAMA NEGOTIATES WITH PLUMBERS! ZOMG! Jeez, the
guy's choking on his words tonight and looks like he can't stay awake.
Wonder how many times he'll mention Joe the Plumber tonight?
9:09 McCain: Joe the Plumber count: 3. Class warfare! Obama
wants to take your money away and "spread the wealth around". 4!
Raising taxes on anyone is st00pid. Rich people need their money!!!
Joe the Plumber again! Now Obama's starting. We're at 6 now.
9:10 Obama: Warren Buffet can afford a little more in taxes. Most people can't buy food. McCain grins like a creepy clown.
9:13 I get distracted for a bit.
9:15 McCain's blinking constantly. It's like they got the lever in the
back stuck. We need nukes--erm, nuclear power. BTW, the reason we're
in this mess is too much government.
Schieffer: so which programs would you cut?
McCain: I'm gonna pander now.
Obama has this fantastic "I think you're full of shit" grin. McCain
hates planetariums!!! Dude, who doesn't want a freaking
planetarium?!?!?
9:18:
Obama bashes Bush. How on earth did it take him almost twenty minutes
to do that? McCain is Bush. McCain vehemently denies. They fight
over who'll take things in a new direction.
9:19 Oh my god,
McCain did not just say that the American people are "hurtin'." Please
tell me he didn't. McCain's a reformer! Obama isn't! He's never
voted for reform, I have!
9:20 If I hear "clean coal" one more time, I'm going to be sick. There's no such thing, folks.
9:21 Fox news disputes McCain's allegations about Obama? They must be false.
Obama: DUDE, YOU'RE BUSH. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!
9:22 McCain's first mentions of his scars. Whee!
Schieffer: can we please move on now?
9:23
Schieffer: You both promised to be nice, but your campaign's are being
REALLY mean. WTF, mates? Would you say that to his face???
McCain
sidesteps the question. I regret the negative aspects of both
campaigns! I think it's taken many turns I think are unacceptable.
(Then why didn't you do anything??) Your people said I'm racist! Jon
Lewis....Jeebus, people. ....okay, did McCain just accuse Obama of not
running an honest campaign, and running more negative ads than anyone
in history? Is he serious?
Obama claims to be a saint. Quits
taking notes; draws halo around his head. Plays martyr card. Claims
to want to talk about issues. Calls McCain Satan.
Joe the Plumber count: 7.
9:31 (9:29 by my clock) Forget domestic policy, let's debate Congressman Lewis. McCain does creepy clown grin again.
9:33 McCain: VETERANS ARE PATRIOTIC. Random sidenote: Obama's ears amuse me.
9:36 McCain says Obama's not a terrorist...he just wants to destroy our democracy.
9:37 Obama lays the smackdown again. McCain still looks like he has to pee.
9:39 McCain pretends to take the high road again. Obama laughs.
Schieffer asks about running mates. Ooo, this is gonna be good.
Guest comment from Libby: aka "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PICK PALIN??!!! YOU'RE COULD KICK THE BUCKET IN OFFICE!!!"
9:40 Obama talks about Joe Biden's working class roots. He knows what it's like to be middle class!
9:42
McCain calls Sarah Palin a role model. Oh god this is such bullshit.
She faced down the oil companies! She's a reformer! It's time we had
a breath of fresh air in Washington! ....He does remember how long
he's been there, yes? And now he's pimping out her baby. Classy.
Wait, where does this bit about autism come from? Libby: Bref of thesh air. I swear to drunk ossifer, I'm not God."
9:44 Schieffer: do you think she's capable of being president?
Obama doesn't want to say no....but he is.
9:45 McCain claims Biden's an idiot. Talks about how united Iraq is now. ...Wait, what?
9:46
Schieffer: fuck it, let's talk about energy instead. Give me numbers,
guys. Seriously. I want a number. McCain says let's deal with
Canada, fuck the Middle East. Oh, and Venezuela. Who the hell likes
them? Dude, most of America can't find Venezuela on a map!
Libby
9:48 Obama says we're mortgaging our childrens' futures. It's all about the children!!!!
9:51
McCain keeps winking at someone. Not just blinking. Though that's
creepy now. DRILL NOW! Never mind that that'll take ten years...we
can do it now! Free trade, blah blah blah. Getting bored.
McCain criticizes Obama for never traveling "south of the border". He does remember who his running mate is, yes?
9:52 got distracted again. They're being really boring tonight. Can
we have Biden and Palin back? At least they were entertaining.
9:59 McCain says he wants to give people $5000 to buy health insurance. Which, of course, doesn't buy shit. Obama points this out. Joe the Plumber count: 8. McCain still looks like he really needs to go to the bathroom.
10:03 McCain rather pointedly uncaps his pen and starts taking notes. Joe the Plumber count: 11. 12! 13! If you're playing this as a drinking game, congratulations, you're now dead. McCain makes some funny faces and claims Obama wants to decide your children's futures. JtP count: 14. McCain calls Obama "Senator Government". Speaking of, have any of you read Jennifer Government? Good book, you should. 15!
10:06 Roe v. Wade time! Could either of you nominate someone to the Supreme Court who would disagree with your position on Roe v. Wade? I wonder if Joe the Plumber comes up in this one.
McCain sidesteps the question and attacks Obama. Claims he wouldn't apply a litmus test; he'd find the best people in the world--oops--with a history of sticking to the Constitution. Which someone who supports Roe v. Wade doesn't. Obama basically says d00d this is important. I like Roe v. Wade. McCain doesn't move except blinking. Says rights shouldn't be subject to popular vote. Thank you! He doesn't say McCain doesn't like women...but he's implying it.
10:11 McCain says we need to change our culture. He's really grasping at straws here--bringing up partial birth abortions. Trying to say Obama wants to kill children. Libby's right, McCain's cheek really is pulsing. Obama has a brilliant idea--let's prevent unintended pregnancies! Then we have fewer abortions anyways!
10:16 Schieffer: we spend so much money....why does our education suck so much?
Obama says all his buzzwords--early childhood education, student loans, college affordability, parental responsibility. McCain: it's the civil rights issue of the 21st century! Claims we've achieved equal access to schools. Really? Says competition will fix our schools. It'll work just as well as it worked for Wall Street. Ooo, let's have soldiers go straight from the battlefield to the classroom, without any of this silly "qualifications" nonsense.
10:22 Obama opposes unfunded mandates. Whoop-dee-doo. McCain wants vouchers. Change! Whee!
I'll blog about this autism bullshit later. We don't need to find the cause. Autism is not something you need to eradicate. Autism is something you need to help these kids cope with. We know what works to help them. But families can't pay for it, and school districts won't provide it.
10:26 It's finally over. Thank god. McCain says he's awesome, calls himself a reformer. I come from a long line of McCains!
10:29 Obama: it's been a tough time for America. CRISIS! oo, bitchslap. McCain politely tries not to reach out and throttle him, but no longer looks like he needs to pee.
Schieffer talks about his mother; cameras do no show McCain's pants.
10:31 Oh wait, now they are. Christ, the man looks like he can't walk! Someone's definitely up past his bedtime. Hi, Mrs. Stepford!!!
